How to work with someone when he won't work with you
"The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting." Sun Tzu, The Art of War
My co-worker Bobbie* refused to talk to me unless she absolutely had to, so I made a point every day to make sure she had to talk to me.
We shared an office and I thought her tenacity in refusing to acknowledge me was inspiring. It wasn't that she was a quiet, reticent personality. Whenever a family member or friend came by the office she could chat cheerfully for 20 minutes at a time.
So, as a challenge to myself, I made a point to always speak cheerfully to Bobbie and ask her how she was. She begrudgingly answered my cordialities but her demeanor made me think I had forced her to drink vinegar.
There were days, however, when I just couldn't be cheerful any more and I would try to play the game by her rules and not speak to her, either. Typically, I caved by the first morning break and asked "how are you doing, Bobbie?"
So, what did I do, you may ask, to cause this woman to behave in this way. I must have inadvertently or unconsciously insulted her to cause her to dislike me in such an obvious way.
My infraction was I had accepted a position which was held by a man she adored (in a platonic way.) And whereas he would butter her up, my approach was more direct and, consequently, less flattering for her. To retaliate, she refused to speak with me.
Bobbie isn't the only co-worker I've had that has had an uncooperative spirit when it came to work relations. I have had co-workers who refused to respond to e-mails or answer phone calls and colleagues who would in patronizing, sing,song way respond "hm, hmm," whenever I needed a confirmation of a task to complete. I once worked with a woman who intentionally gave me the wrong time for a group meeting.
What causes someone to sabotage a co-worker's career? I believe the most looming reason is envy. Envy is a crass feeling and it can cause people to behave in (cr)ass ways.
So how can you respond, if you find yourself in the middle of sabotage?
1. Don't take it personally. This seems like the pat answer to a lot of dilemmas, but generally speaking the insecurity lies in the person acting insecurely.
2. Once you realize a pattern of behavior, keep notes in case it ratchets up to a point where you need to address it with your supervisor or human resources department.
3. Decide what rules you want to play by. It can be tempting to fall to your saboteur's level, such as not responding to his emails. However, saboteurs typically have had experience in their arena, so your lapse likely will come back to bite you.
4. If you find out that an assistant intentionally gives you bad information, seek out someone you can trust to confide in and to confirm things with such as policy changes, meeting dates, etc.
4. Keep your resume updated. Maybe you thought you had found your dream workplace until you met your nightmare co-worker or supervisor. If it seems that a situation won't be resolved in your favor, or at least in a neutral way, it may be better to move on. Look at it this way, you'll have a personal experience to share in your job interviews when they ask "how do you handle difficult people?"
*Name changed to protect identity.
My co-worker Bobbie* refused to talk to me unless she absolutely had to, so I made a point every day to make sure she had to talk to me.
We shared an office and I thought her tenacity in refusing to acknowledge me was inspiring. It wasn't that she was a quiet, reticent personality. Whenever a family member or friend came by the office she could chat cheerfully for 20 minutes at a time.
So, as a challenge to myself, I made a point to always speak cheerfully to Bobbie and ask her how she was. She begrudgingly answered my cordialities but her demeanor made me think I had forced her to drink vinegar.
There were days, however, when I just couldn't be cheerful any more and I would try to play the game by her rules and not speak to her, either. Typically, I caved by the first morning break and asked "how are you doing, Bobbie?"
So, what did I do, you may ask, to cause this woman to behave in this way. I must have inadvertently or unconsciously insulted her to cause her to dislike me in such an obvious way.
My infraction was I had accepted a position which was held by a man she adored (in a platonic way.) And whereas he would butter her up, my approach was more direct and, consequently, less flattering for her. To retaliate, she refused to speak with me.
Bobbie isn't the only co-worker I've had that has had an uncooperative spirit when it came to work relations. I have had co-workers who refused to respond to e-mails or answer phone calls and colleagues who would in patronizing, sing,song way respond "hm, hmm," whenever I needed a confirmation of a task to complete. I once worked with a woman who intentionally gave me the wrong time for a group meeting.
What causes someone to sabotage a co-worker's career? I believe the most looming reason is envy. Envy is a crass feeling and it can cause people to behave in (cr)ass ways.
So how can you respond, if you find yourself in the middle of sabotage?
1. Don't take it personally. This seems like the pat answer to a lot of dilemmas, but generally speaking the insecurity lies in the person acting insecurely.
2. Once you realize a pattern of behavior, keep notes in case it ratchets up to a point where you need to address it with your supervisor or human resources department.
3. Decide what rules you want to play by. It can be tempting to fall to your saboteur's level, such as not responding to his emails. However, saboteurs typically have had experience in their arena, so your lapse likely will come back to bite you.
4. If you find out that an assistant intentionally gives you bad information, seek out someone you can trust to confide in and to confirm things with such as policy changes, meeting dates, etc.
4. Keep your resume updated. Maybe you thought you had found your dream workplace until you met your nightmare co-worker or supervisor. If it seems that a situation won't be resolved in your favor, or at least in a neutral way, it may be better to move on. Look at it this way, you'll have a personal experience to share in your job interviews when they ask "how do you handle difficult people?"
*Name changed to protect identity.
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