How to face life when you have a pansy temperament

When it comes to life's character building moments, I can be such a pansy.

And like a pansy, I'm really good at putting on a bright flowery show as if I have an abundance of  inner strength. But I'm really only one strong wind from having my blossoms blown off.

There are times I wish I had the steady inner oak tree fortitude that some of my friends seem to possess when faced with challenging circumstances. They might be scarred by a bolt of lightening but they're still standing as strong as they ever were.

Instead, a strong freeze could wither my roots if I don't pay attention to the temperature of the soil I'm grounded in and spend time providing protective cover.

This last year has been particularly marked by circumstances which haven't gone as smoothly as I would have preferred. My preference for life is like the pansy's: full sunlight in moderate temperatures with plenty of water. Lately, though, several blustery winds and extreme dips and rises in temperature have threatened to wilt my bright, beautiful blooms.

The laundry list is extensive--brakes on our car need repair, the furnace is making a funny noise, my student loans will be coming due--but basically fall into the same categories as everyone else's: financial stress and family health concerns. Who doesn't experience these life stressors? Do other people's heads veer off into a land of the worst outcome like mine does?. There was a time in my life when my mind would stay in that rocky soil, but with practice, I've learned how to regenerate my thinking process so I can live in fertile, productive ground most of the time, regardless of life's events.

The following are the types of thoughts I have which can steal the nutrients from my fair weather temperament. 

Under the financial category

"With all of these unexpected expenses, I need to win the lottery or learn to make thousands from the comfort of my own home or we will be forced to file bankruptcy, become homeless and live in our car. If by some miracle this doesn't happen and I can squeak out a living out until my health prevents me from working, then when I am in my 70s, I will end up penniless because I will have spent my wad in my 50s raising my family. Social Security will be bankrupt, and I will be living in a one-room apartment (if I'm lucky) and redeeming pop bottles I find on the road to make extra money. If I don't have to go to a pauper's nursing home...

Under the health concerns

My younger son is four and has been a late bloomer (maybe he is a fall pansy) to talk. He receives speech therapy twice a week. I fret about his progress (and he's making considerable) and my thoughts tend to flow along the lines of: "what if he never becomes fluent in language and if he can't process language, how will he learn to read and then if he can't learn to read, how will he be gainfully employed as an adult and then how will I care for him in my penniless 70s? Especially if I'm living in a pauper's nursing home..."

These uncontrollable circumstances provoke whirling dervish thoughts. And with thoughts like these,  you can understand why I feel I might faint like a pansy on a regular basis.

As I've been working with clients in my training to be a mental health counselor, I've discovered this line of  thinking isn't so uncommon. Fortunately, there is help for the pansies of life. 

Some strategies I offer to clients and to tame my own worries to provide a more temperate climate for my pansy spirit, include:

1. As soon as I am aware of a degradation in my thoughts, I force myself to think the most positive outcome for the particular situation I am worried about. (If I keep at it, this blog is going to earn me thousands. When my sons grow up they will be self-made millionaires who will buy me a house and a new car every year.) 

2. Visualize a stop sign (bordered by pansies or your favorite nature scene).

3. Pay attention to your breath. If you're able to, try to move it into a deep belly breath.


4. While you are regulating your breathing, meditate on God and how God is bigger than your problems. "Consider the lilies (or the pansies) of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin." Matthew 6:28

5. Drink a glass of water. (See my previous blog on the benefits of drinking water.)


6. Listen to a comedy podcast or watch a funny video or television show.

7. Type or hand write a list of all of the worries you have. Writing down your thoughts is like putting them in a reservoir for safekeeping.  This action honors your particular mental wiring. 

8. Exercise.

9. Think on a phrase that gives you comfort, such as "this, too, shall pass" or "diamonds are formed under pressure." 

If you are a person who tends to think negatively before thinking positively, be okay with that. Heavy rains and strong winds tend to beat down pansies. But we don't not plant pansies because they are less hardy then other plants. Instead, we learn that with extra care and attention, pansies can survive and thrive even after harsh conditions. 

Brenda Henning is a freelance writer and completing her master's in mental health counseling.